k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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