I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize