I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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