Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's shark week go big or go home
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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