Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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