and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
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Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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