Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
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You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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