I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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