one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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