i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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