I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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