I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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