i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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