Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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