Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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