I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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