He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
