Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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