my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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