my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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