While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize