It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize