I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize