i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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