I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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