Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize