i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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