she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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