I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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