Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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