My first STD was from a foam party
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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