The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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