Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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