i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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