On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize