I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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