Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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