better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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