You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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