threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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