Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
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We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
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I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
be right there i have to get my cape
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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