i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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