Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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