Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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