When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize