You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize