I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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