Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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