I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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