After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize