I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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