her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
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who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm too high and old for this...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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